Living When You Feel Out of Control

So the other day I went to a new gym with my friend to learn how to climb a rope. As many of you know I am training for a Spartan race and rope climbs are a part of that race. Anyway, as I was standing there talking with her trainer he asked me why I wanted to do a Spartan race. And on the spot I really had no good answer. I think I told him that I have always wanted to do one and I now feel that I am capable of completing it. Once I left I realized that was a terrible answer and it really made me think about why I want to achieve this so badly. Why am I putting so much work into the preparation to accomplish this goal.

I realized that the reason I am putting so much time and effort into building myself, into this new healthy lifestyle is because it is something I have full control over. I control what is going in my mouth, I control how much time and effort I put in at the gym. For the past, almost 3 years I have had absolutely no control over the circumstances of my life. I had no idea my daughter was going to have medical issues, I had no control over the fact that God was going to call her home after 13 months. I had no control when I miscarried our next child. My life has felt like it is spinning out of control. I have felt lost, I lost my sense of identity, I had no idea who I was anymore the days and months following the day my daughter went to heaven. I knew I had to find myself, I knew I had to find something to focus on, otherwise I would be headed down a deep dark hole. I can absolutely understand how people turn to alcohol to ease the pain. I’ll be honest, I have many times thought about grabbing one and just drinking my sorrows away. But what will that change? It won’t change the fact that my daughter isn’t here. It won’t help me successfully carry a child again. It will just start a downward spiral that will destroy my life. So instead I choose to grab onto something that has and will continue to build my life in a positive manner. It’s still a work in progress, every morning I have to tell myself again and again why I choose to get up at 5:00am to hit the gym. I don’t want to feel lost anymore. I want to continue to build my life and myself on this small foundation I have started. Choosing to focus on health and fitness has been the best thing I could have done for myself. My mind is more clear, I am a happier person, and I may not have control over the circumstances of my life but I do have control of the way I think and the way I feel.

Fill yourself with positivity, get in the habit of finding the good in everything, then when your world is falling apart you will have the tools to rebuild yourself and your life one small step at a time.