Timing

The last few weeks I have been strongly thinking about if I am ready to go through Aubrey’s room. I have mainly been thinking of her clothes. I even went to the point a couple weeks ago to ask my best friend what size her baby girl was in so that if I was ready I would know what I was looking for. Well today I stepped myself into Aubrey’s room. It’s always a slow process for me to go in there. I don’t just jump in, I let myself slowly take it in. Looking around, embracing the memories of our angel girl. Slowly I find my way to the task that I set out to accomplish. Today it was testing the waters to see if I could part with anything. Part of me wants to get rid of stuff but then the practical side of me reminds me that sometime in the near future we will be adopting more children. So why not wait and see if another baby girl might bless our lives who could wear her big sisters clothes. I know as we get closer to adoption day that Aubrey’s room will need to be gone through completely and I realize that that day is probably closer than we know. I know that I need to begin preparing myself by taking these tiny steps of going through a little bit here and there. A dear friend brought a whole new perspective on the idea of having to go through Aubrey’s things in order to make room for more children. She said to me ‘what an amazing gift that Aubrey is going to be able to give her new brother or sister, the gift of her bedroom’. This just brought tears to my eyes but gave me a whole new way to look at her room.

I know that God will lead me in the timing of all of this. He will let me know if it is time to part with something, the way He did with her car seat. I knew without a doubt He wanted me to give it to my friends baby boy, the day his broke. I’ll be honest, I was nervous, I was sad but the feeling of peace I had actually surprised me. And it felt so good to be able to help a friend. I wasn’t able to bring myself to get rid of any of her clothes just yet, but I do have in mind a few outfits that maybe in the coming weeks God will give me the strength to finally part with.

I miss you baby girl and I can’t wait till the day I get to see you again and give you big hugs and kisses! Mommy loves you!!