It’s a Choice

Gosh, the sermon in church this morning really got me thinking about my many blessings and the ways I could show how grateful I am for them. When you get up in the morning do you start your day with a grumble or do you start your day thanking God for your blessings? When you greet people, is your intention to make their day better or yours? When they ask you how you are today, do you start right off with your problems or your blessings?

I want to tell you about my mom. I know I don’t show her as much as I should how grateful I am for her. I don’t know what I would do without her.

I don’t know how to dive into this so I guess I’ll just start off with the heavy stuff.

August 31st, the day I got that call at work from my husband. The call no mom wants to get. The call when your heart falls out of your chest. Him telling me that something was wrong with Aubrey and all he knew was my mom was in the ambulance with her and they were headed to the hospital.

Calling my mom, praying she answers.

Frantic, all I hear is “I’m so sorry, Angie, I’m so sorry.” Those are the only words I remember coming from her mouth. Trying to wrap my brain around what is happening, what I should do. As I’m an hour away from home.

Fast forward, I meet Aubrey at the hospital that they are transferring her to, she beat everyone else, as she was life flighted. Standing in that PICU room with my baby and in walks my mom. I’ll never forget that look on her face. Tears flowing. I have never seen my mom look that small. Not wanting to look up at me. At this point, I had a choice. I could choose to blame my mom. I could choose to ruin our relationship forever.

How I was going to respond.

It was all up to me.

My mom knew this. She was scared to death that I would want nothing to do with her. That I would put all of this on her and never want to talk to her again. In that moment, I wrapped my arms around my mom, my best friend and told her, none of this was her fault. I could feel the weight come off her shoulders as I hugged her. I fully believe she did everything in her power to save our sweet Aubrey. She prolonged her life enough for her Daddy and I to get to see her one last time. And I am so thankful that she was the one Aubrey was with that day. Her and I have had this conversation many times. We all believe that God had planned for it to be that way. For Aubrey to be with her Grammie that last day of her life. I know that this has been one of the heaviest burdens for my mom. She has to live each day knowing that God gave her this responsibility. But she carries it the best that she knows how. She is our families rock. She is the strongest woman I know. And I thank God each day that He gave me her to be my mom and Aubrey’s grandma.

When the unthinkable happens, and you are given a choice, please consider grace and forgiveness. Don’t ruin your life by choosing to blame others. Life is full of choices. Pray about those choices and listen to what God puts on your heart. He won’t lead you astray. God’s plan will always come forth. Aubrey would have went to heaven that day whether she was with my mom or with my husband or I. It was her time no matter what. God blessed us with 13, wonderful months with Aubrey and I am so thankful for that.