It’s okay to die

After losing a child one thing I have noticed is that you think a lot about death. What it’s like, your feelings on death, where you’ll be after you die, a whole list of things. When walking into a room where someone is sleeping, the first thing I do is make sure they are breathing. Whenever I am around babies who are sleeping I am constantly checking to make sure I can see their chest moving. But the biggest thing that I have learned from Aubrey’s death is that it’s okay to die. If my baby girl can do it, so can I.

I honestly never thought about it before Aubrey because death scared me. I wanted nothing to do with it. I didn’t like to think about anyone dying let alone myself. But all of those fears have totally disappeared and I know that it’s okay and that when it is my turn I will be with my baby girl again.

I know these next thoughts may be alarming for some but if you have ever lost a child you will understand the differences between being suicidal and being okay with dying. I have talked many a times with friends whose child has gone on to heaven and they all mention thoughts that run through their head. Thoughts, when driving down the road, of if that car were to cross the center line right now I would get to be with my angel. These thoughts are not suicidal thoughts they are ones that are a longing to be with our babies. We would never put action to these thoughts, we are just okay with the thought of going to heaven whenever God is ready to bring us home.