July 9th, 2018
Since the day Aubrey was born the doctors could never figure out what was wrong with her. My pregnancy was probably the easiest pregnancy one could ask for. I never got sick, I was able to do as much or as little as I wanted to, I even worked out all the way up until the last month or so. The doctors never once questioned that anything was wrong.
From the beginning Aubrey was a little miracle, to start she decided she was coming on her actual due date, something only 2% of babies do. From the minute she came out to the day she passed not a single person could tell us what was going on with our sweet girl. All we knew was that both of her vocal chords were paralyzed and she had very low muscle tone. They performed test after test for the 36 days she was in the hospital and all came back negative. She was poked so many times for blood draws and not once did they come back with an answer.
When it was Aubrey’s time to go to heaven we made the tough decision to have an autopsy done on our girl. Not just for some answers but for the sake of maybe just maybe they could get something that could possibly save another baby going through the same thing. After months of waiting and waiting, guess what the autopsy results were? Nothing! They could not find a single thing wrong with her. They said that everything looked like that of a typical baby, all of her organs were normal, all of the vessels to her brain were normal, everything looked normal. Seriously? Do you all know how frustrating it is to continually have the tests that you think will give you some answers come back with nothing. All of this technology in the world and we still get not one answer.
Well, so we decided to give permission to the hospital where all of Aubrey’s doctors were to perform even more tests. They wanted to do a muscle biopsy to see what they could find in her muscles. After a few more months of waiting finally…..finally we got something. We didn’t care what we got we just wanted some sort of explanation some form of an answer. They found that she had no nerve endings in some muscles and way too many in others. This is why her muscle tone was so low. But she had such an extreme case of it that they don’t even have a disease name for it. We are told that it is genetic and there is a possibility that if we were to try to have more kids that it could happen again. We don’t know what the probability is but it is possible.
We still have no explanation as to why she passed away, only God knows that answer. What we do know is that we were blessed with the most precious baby girl, who taught us all more than we could ever imagine. Even though we only got 13 months with her, they were the best 13 months of my life. Now we have a miracle angel watching over us every single minute of every single day and I know that she is there protecting us as we go about life here on this planet.
Traveling through Grief 