Have you ever wondered if you are doing the right thing? If this is God’s will? I am constantly thinking about these questions. I am learning how to just sit back and listen and see where God is working and adjust my life to that. Instead of trying to figure it all out on my own.
After Aubrey went to be with Jesus, almost immediately God told me it was time to change my career path. Of course I didn’t listen right away. I continued to go to my job and stress myself out each and every day. If you don’t know I work as a drafter. I draw all the plans, production drawings and installation drawings for sunrooms. I am the only one at the company that can do this. So if I am not on top of my game mistakes get made. And as you can imagine when losing a child it is quite hard to keep your mind focused every single day. Well lucky for me they have been very understanding and let me work only three days a week at the office and two at home. I still was having a very hard time keeping my emotions calm. I had a knot in my stomach every day I had to go in and pretty much cried when I left.
Well last week God put it very strongly on my heart to text a friend to see if the company she worked for just happened to be hiring. Guess what, they were! They told me to get my application in and I could start working. Almost immediately after texting my friend, Aubrey came to tell me I made the right decision. Her song, I Will Trust In You by Lauren Daigle came on the radio. This song almost never plays on the radio but only when I need to hear it does it come on.
So over the weekend I decided it was time to put my two week notice in. I was a nervous wreck all weekend. I prayed and prayed for God to help me stay strong and give me the right words to say. Sunday night all my nervous feelings went away. On my drive to work I was expecting them to come back, nope they didn’t. I knew, finally that I was doing the right thing. God is so good. After talking with my boss my coworkers asked me if I could go move my car. The minute I started my car, guess what happened, my sweet Aubrey came to tell me again that she was with me, her song was just beginning to play. I was just in awe. She continues to amaze me every single day. I feel like a 50lb weight was lifted off of me.
You see, after Aubrey left us I thought I could make it on my own. I didn’t need to listen to God and what He was telling me to do with my career. Do you know where that has got me? I am the most unhappy person at home. My family is suffering because of my grumpiness. I worry about the next day and what I might get in trouble for at work instead of being with my family. It was finally getting so bad I had to make a decision and follow God’s will. He has been showing me for a while now what He wants to do through me and now I am going to let Him. I am learning to adjust my life to Him so that He can do His will and I am so excited to see what that is.
Traveling through Grief 